Memories
by rockmysocks456
Summary: Using magic to access other realms within his mind is beginning to affect Loki's health while he's imprisoned. Thor tries to deal with the repressed memories that are suddenly being thrust upon his brother. Bad summary I know. READ AND REVIEW. (No slash.)
1. Is It Madness?

_***READ AND REVIEW!**_

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Loki now had the ability to access even the darkest realms in his mind without Gungnir. Though he would admit, it was severely draining on him. But the knowledge he had gained was too good to pass up. He needed more.

Sitting in his cell one night, he decided to indulge himself in a little dark magic and visit the void in which he'd been temporarily trapped. The journey was more draining than he'd expected.

Thor passed block after block of cells in the dungeon, seeking only one in particular. Loki's. Thor had taken it upon himself to visit his brother each week, regardless of whether or not Loki wished to see him.

Recently, Thor had become concerned with Loki's health. He was becoming increasingly sickly looking. His typically pale complexion becoming a ghostly pallor, his bright eyes sinking into the shadows that surrounded them.

Loki had not mentioned anything of the sort to Thor, but he always knew when his brother was not well. Whatever the cause.

Thor stopped in front of Loki's cell, meaning to announce himself when he saw Loki's eyes closed. But he was sitting up. Probably engaging in some kind of magical trance, Thor thought. But... He was sweating. And twitching. Something is definitely wrong.

"Loki." Thor said, hoping to get his attention.

Loki's mind wandered far into the depths of his memory he'd hoped not to venture into again.

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_"You think you know pain? You will long for something sweet as PAIN."_

Loki's perception of the realm was collapsing on itself, but he was not released from the torturous string of memories that had enveloped him.

_"I could've done it, father! For you! For all of us."_

_Silence. An anticipation that left Loki desperate for acceptance. Approval or death were his only options._

_"No, Loki."_

_Death. So be it._

"Loki! Wake immediately!"

_"I WILL NOT FIGHT YOU, BROTHER!" Thor had shouted._

_It was sincere, and it was merciful, but Loki had been too far gone to accept it._

_"I'm not your brother. I never was."_

_"Loki, this is madness!"_

"Loki! Wake!"

_"Is it madness? Is it?!" Loki was hysterical but he could hardly care, "Is it?!"_

"LOKI."

Loki jerked violently back to reality. His eyes snapped open and he tried to regain control of his breathing unsuccessfully. He was hyperventilating a bit, but he'd be alright. So long as he wasn't in that dark, unknown void.

"Loki," Thor had entered the cell and had his arms out in case Loki needed to steady himself, "Are you alright?"

Loki swallowed, he couldn't speak at first attempt; his voice was weak and broken. He took a deep breath and responded,

"I-I'm fine."

Thor put a heavy hand on his shoulder and Loki sank involuntarily beneath the pressure. Thor grabbed onto Loki's shoulders and gently sat him down on the ground. Thor sat down beside him.

"Loki, I know you've been using magic. But I believe whatever you're doing may be affecting your health, you look awful."

Loki rubbed his aching head gingerly, trying to piece together a response.

"I-I've just been reliving some-" Loki stopped.

Why would I confess this to, Thor?!

"I'm fine."


	2. Oblivion

_* I knew someone would jump on this immediately. Yes, he can use magic while imprisoned, the cell itself is impervious to magic. Satisfied? Lol, I kid believe whatever you want. __**READ AND REVIEW!**_

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Over the next few days, Loki didn't dare attempt any more magic. With the realization that this practice of visiting other realms within his mind was extremely physically, mentally, and emotionally draining, Loki thought it best to not to enter these realms again.

However, magic, like anything else that changes your reality, is incredibly addictive. And the draw back into that unstable realm of darkness was beginning to eat at Loki's consciousness.

_Just control it this time, _he told himself, _you just weren't entirely alert last time. _

The corners of his vision were fading out to an all too familiar blackness. Blinded, he staggered backwards into the wall and slid down it, his grip on reality dissolving, his eyes slid closed...

Upon entering the void Loki became aware of the fact that this perception was not complete. It was dettached and disconnected in parts. The voices he usually spoke to were barely audible. At this point, Loki intended to wake up but the void collapsed in on itself again and the stream of unwanted memories came rushing back.

_Loki stood there, tears in his eyes trying to piece together all that Odin just said. He was a frost giant, why hadn't Odin ever told him?_

_"You could have told me what I was from the beginning! Why didn't you?!"_

_Odin paused, his expression unchanging._

_"Because you're my son. I wanted only to protect you from the truth."_

_Loki realized now what this was about. No one would have ever accepted an **Odinson** as a frost giant._

_"Wh-? Because I-I-I I am the monster... parents tell their children about at night?!"_

_Loki's eyes widened as he realized Odin hadn't kept this from Loki to protect him from the truth. It was so that he would never know the TRUE reason that Thor was given the throne. That Thor had always been meant to be king... Loki felt as though he might explode with a sudden rage he didn't normally express._

_"No matter how much, you claim to LOVE me!" Loki was seeing red and hardly noticed the Allfather collapse to the floor, "You could never have a frost giant sitting on the throne of Asgard!"_

_The fury surged through Loki's veins like a toxin until it slowly flushed out of his system when he realized Odin wasn't getting up. He knelt down on the ground beside him. Tears swam in his eyes. All he saw at this moment was his father dying. All the anger and frustration against Odin was gone... this was his **father**._

_"Guards...!" Loki called out, "Guards, please, help!"_

The memory was dissolving as everything faded to black but just before it did so, one last unpleasant imaged flickered into view.

_"I could've done it, father! For you! For all of us!"_

_"No, Loki."_

And the blackness took him into a dark abyss.

His last conscious thought was of when he had tried to end everything and throw himself into the twisted solace of oblivion.


	3. Stolen Relic

_*__**Jaquelinelittle**__: The whole 'visiting other realms' thing can only happen inside his head; in his unconscious mind. When I say the cell is impervious to magic I mean to say there's a border between the wall and the outside which he can't pass. LET IT GO, MINOR DETAILS, DAMN._

_Sorry about my little bitch moment there but Jaquelinelittle refuses to stop ripping holes in my plot. Sorry for the long wait. Here's chapter 3. *__**READ AND REVIEW**_

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"LOKI!"

Loki's eyelids fluttered apart in fluid, disoriented motions. He found he was laying sideways, sprawled across the floor of the cell, with a thin layer of sweat resting on his face.

Once his vision refocused, he became aware of the fact that Thor was kneeling close beside him with a terrified expression. Seeing Loki was conscious, he reached out his arms to assist him but Loki pushed him away.

Sitting up with a soft groan he leaned against the wall behind him, running a hand through his hair.

"Loki, what happened?!" Thor demanded.

"I'm fine... I'm fine, Thor..."

Thor's eyes were pleading and desperate but Loki refused to look at him.

"Loki, please! I want only to help you! Tell me what ails you, brother!"

The dark corners of Loki's mind were beginning to whisper...

_"I am the monster parents tell their children about at night?"_

Loki shut his eyes instinctively, a breath catching in his throat.

"Nothing, Thor... I'm fine."

_"So I am no more than another stolen relic... locked up... here until you might have use of me!"_

Loki's perception was fading but he heard Thor say, confusion apparent in his voice,

"What?"

_"You could have told me what I was from the beginning, why didn't you?!"_

"Loki...?"

_"TELL ME!"_

"LOKI!" Thor had grabbed Loki by the collar and pulled him up a bit off the floor, "WHAT ARE YOU SPEAKING OF?"

Loki blinked. He hadn't been aware he was speaking aloud. It was useless lying now. He wasn't at full mental capacity anyway, his lies would be doubted at best.

"I... Very well." Thor set Loki down carefully and Loki continued, "I've been experiencing... some... recurring dreams... nightmares, rather... let's say."

Thor sat down, staring at Loki expectantly. His childish curiosity made the giant oaf look both idiotic and somehow endearing.

"Just now I was remembering the last conversation I had with the Allfather before he fell into the Odin-sleep..." Loki's eyes shifted down, and his lip twitched nervously, "When he told me what I really am."

Thor put a comforting hand on Loki's shoulder, "Loki, we accept-

Loki threw his hand off.

"Is that _so_? I don't recall _Odin_ giving me a fair shot at taking the throne. Thor, you're a brilliant warrior but we all know as a tactician I tend to be the one who excels."

Thor frowned but Loki continued, "You may be a more suitable leader now, but at the time... _I_ was a worthy candidate but... _Odin..._"

Thor waited and Loki felt the voice of his past hiss, "_...Could never have a frost giant sitting on the throne of Asgard!"_

Loki looked up, now expecting Thor to speak and was met with a stunned silence.


End file.
